little white box
by DramaDelicacy
Summary: inside are things from the could've been. sakura-centric. post 701.


In her empty room filled with memories of absence, despair, and regret, there's a little white box tucked away in a secret space in the wall next to the bed. In the box is her old _shinobi_ uniform; one that haven't been worn in 12 years. The gloves are calloused and worn out, and their color faded. Her pink top and skirt dirty because she, for some odd reason, had a feeling (all those years ago) that the mission she came home from would be her last. So she kept it dirty and muddy and it's been 12 years and it smelled terrible but she just doesn't care. Her _kunai_ pouch tucked away under the uniform and the gloves and the set of _kunai_ have been untouched and they're now dulled and useless – just like her.

Every night before she goes to bed she would take out the little white box, makes sure Sarada's already asleep, and she would just sit there with the box on her lap. Sometimes she takes the items out and hold them, thinking of the time when she could still go on missions, when she's still capable of all the things she can no longer do now. Domestication fails her, both her physical and mental health and the older Sarada is the more she feels like death.

After saying goodbye to her daughter in the mornings, she'll do her usual boring routine of housecleaning. She doesn't even work at the hospital anymore because when Sarada was younger and in full need of her attention, Naruto had retired her. Told her "she needs you and you're always so busy in the hospital, this is for the best."

Naruto.

It was a name that used to send a comforting and secure feeling. But now she despises it. She couldn't even be in the same room as the man without wanting to throw herself at him and beat the crap out of his life. She thought that he would have her back no matter what, she thought that when Sasuke left again (and she's not stupid so she knows it's going to be a long time, especially after dropping off a baby with features resembling both him and the red-headed girl she saved a long time ago – he even begged her to take care of the child, because "we're teammates and I know you'll be a good mother" because apparently he's got some business to attend to and even though she knew he won't be coming back, she held onto the baby because "we are teammates, and you owe me big." Sasuke had nodded, and he disappeared into the forest. Naruto never asked because he knew, no one asked because they knew, and she wondered why no one bothered offering to help in raising Sarada considering she's not even hers. But she figured it's because she was _supposed _to be in love with Sasuke and therefore she'll be willing to drop anything and everything to do his biddings.), and she thought when raising Sarada became a problem because she couldn't juggle both work and raising a child that Naruto would help.

Naruto never helped her.

Sakura worked almost 18 hours in the hospital because after Tsunade retired, the hospital was her responsibility and before Sasuke gave her such a heavy responsibility, it wasn't too bad because at least when she's exhausted she could just crash on the couch in her office. But once Sarada came into the equation, she's had to either leave work early – reluctantly giving away her responsibilities to individuals she knew couldn't handle it, or she's had to take Sarada with her. This was why Naruto thought it was best to just retire her.

Surprisingly to her, despite all the extra work and sleepless nights she's had to endure ever since Sarada entered her life, she never really hated the girl. She's learned to love her as her own, and perhaps it was her own selfish need because when everyone left her she still has this child whose face mirrored the man who hated her, called her names, and tried to kill her. But Sarada is Sarada, and she's so smart, so strong, and so beautiful and Sakura would hate herself whenever she accidentally screamed at her daughter – or made her cry from one of her tantrums because this child knows nothing of how things were, and she shouldn't be the one Sakura pushes her anger to.

After Sarada questioned the lie of marriage and she slammed the ground so hard it destroyed their house and the sudden realization that she's fucking broke and _now_ they're homeless caused her to lose consciousness, she decided it was time to beat the shit out of Naruto because she's tired, she's stressed out, and she's losing her mind.

When she wakes up and Sarada's not there, she figured her daughter had gone back to the rubble that is their home to pick up a few of their belongings. Deep in her heart she wishes her daughter would find the picture of Team Taka, the exact same picture where she taped over the lies of a family. Because Sarada deserves to know the truth and to be honest, it's been 12 years and Sakura's at the verge of breaking and Sarada's still a child but she deserves to know and Sakura is just so… so… so fucking tired.

When Shizune walks in with food and a fresh compress, she was surprised to find Sakura awake and looking as fierce as she was all those years ago.

"Sakura…"

"I'm going to go see Naruto, and I'm going to kill him," Sakura smiles.

Shizune felt an uncomfortable shiver run down her spine at the way Sakura said that and at the smile currently gracing her tired face.

"He's the Hokage, you can't."

"I'm not going to _actually_ kill him," Sakura says. "I'm just going to give him a good beating that the only way for him to recover fast and painlessly is _if_ I'm the one who heals him. But of course I won't because he fucked me over and left me to die in a ditch with all the fucking shit in the world while he goes off gallivanting with his wife and his two children. Apparently Team 7 means nothing to him. What a joke."

"Then," Shizune hesitates before putting down the things she brought with her. "I'm going to have to stop you."

"Are you really?" Sakura sighs. "I'm out of practice, 12 years out of practice. But I have all this pent up rage in me so you really don't want to do this."

"Saku—" but before Shizune finishes, she suddenly found herself against the wall with a broken nose and, quite possible, a cracked skull.

Sakura sighs, pats herself, and walks out the door.

Sarada finds her as she makes her way towards the Hokage tower. Stopping in front of her mother to request an explanation, she realizes she doesn't need to ask.

"I promise I'll explain everything to you later," Sakura pats her daughter's head.

And Sarada doesn't say anything. Instead she steps aside and watches as her mother, for the first time in 12 years, emits a radiant aura. It's murderous, but she could almost feel the thrill and for some reason it made her tear up and as she wipes away her tears she couldn't help but laugh.

Even though Sarada doesn't know what's going on and she doesn't understand why her mother's making her way towards the Hokage tower with such a dark intention, it made her incredibly happy to see her look whole again. She's smart and she's incredibly perceptive so she knows how depressed her mother had been these past 12 years. She's aware that the Hokage was once her best friend but something happened when she was younger that severed the tie and her mother have only felt nothing but hatred towards the man. She knows that even though her mother tries to speak fondly of her father that she, in truth, despises him. Her mother gave away a lot of things in order to raise her, and she's endured everything.

When Sarada was 10, she found the little white box by accident. Inside was a pair of worn out gloves, a pink uniform that smelled like blood and death and everything terrible in the world, and a _kunai _pouch filled with dulled blades. This was when she realized her mother was forced into this life and that she had never once let go of the life she could've had.

She cried herself to sleep that night because she thought she was unwanted and she was so very sorry to be born but the next day when Sakura noticed her strange behavior, she had taken Sarada out to Tsunade-sama's grave ("she was the only one who believed in me, and she saved me from myself. If only you remembered her because she loved you dearly.") and later to the top of the Hokage Mountain where the view was just breathtaking and Sakura had told her: "Thank you for being born, I couldn't have asked for a better daughter. You're so smart, kind, and beautiful and whatever's bothering you, you can tell me and I'll make it go away." Sarada cried at this and she hugged her mother for what felt like forever because the next time Sakura spoke it was "it's late, we should go home" and she realized she had fallen asleep because her mother was _home_ and she felt completely and utterly content when she's around.

So Sarada doesn't understand why her mother hates the Hokage, and she doesn't understand why she has to lie about her father and her marriage. But she knows that Sakura tries her best and to be honest, that's all that matters, right?

She turns her back right before screams and loud destructive sounds are heard from the tower. As she walks towards Tsunade-sama's grave, she smiles and whispers:

""Give him hell, mama."

a/n

wow this is both depressing and shit but tbh I like thinking that sarada loves her mom a lot and sakura loves sarada a lot and even though I hate HATE HATE what kishi did to sakura's character, I'm totally all for a good mother-daughter relationship.

I feel like I kind of build it up so that it seems like sakura hates sarada and in my head she initially does (esp if shes not her child and sasuke kinda made her raise her as if she is) but she grows to REALLY love the kid.

As for naruto, let's just say I don't ship narusaku anymore after this because goddammit. i only support sakura and sarada from now on lol.

(also I kinda got the idea for this fic from a drawing I was gonna do but I got too lazy so I decided to write it instead LOL. In the drawing I was gonna do sakura crying while clutching her old shinobi things so if any of you want to fanart this, please do.)

Reviews are appreciated,

dd.

(can you tell that I just don't care about what I wrote from the terrible grammar all the way to the shit author's note. I'm on finals and im kinda sad and stressed rn so you know whatever.)


End file.
